


When I Say

by shiiverse



Category: Kagerou Project
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-02-28
Updated: 2015-02-28
Packaged: 2018-03-15 15:09:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,981
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3451700
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shiiverse/pseuds/shiiverse
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Words aren't enough to convey his feelings.</p>
<p>Kuroha knows that.</p>
            </blockquote>





	When I Say

**Author's Note:**

> cross-posted from FF.net.
> 
> enjoy.

He doesn't know what happened.

The chances of him  _not_  getting killed or tortured by Kuroha were close to none, even in the many loops that he had experienced.

But here he was, sitting quietly on the small wooden chair - sipping the cup of tea that had been placed in front of him.

…Trying not to outwardly scream at the amused snake-man-thing who's sitting directly opposite him.

Kuroha patiently taps the table, soft rhythmic pitters being the only thing that Shintaro would hear – if there weren't so much chattering in the background. They're at a café in this loop and the rest of the Dan is nowhere to be seen. His fingers grip the edge of the chair. The atmosphere is calming, relaxing and soothing, but none of those adjectives described Shintaro as of now.

Placing the fragile cup back down, his eyes end up trailing up Kuroha's neck to his face; the other's yellow silted eyes stare at him, amusement dancing wildly in his unnerving gaze.

"Enjoying this, Shin?" He asks, leaning back onto the chair.

The NEET wishes that Kuroha would stop with the staring.

"No, of course not," Shintaro finds himself replying while he somehow scraps up the willpower to continue staring the other in the eye, nervousness seeping into his voice.

This earns a little chuckle from the serpent, eyes narrowing a little fraction as he grins.

"No, of course not," Kuroha repeats in mock uneasiness, body posture now a bit tense. "Humans tend to ignore the better sides of life, don't they?"

It's a game that Kuroha's playing, and Shintaro knows that tone of his all too well. His mind briefly wonders how many times he's been strung along and forcefully pulled into the other's twisted sources of entertainment throughout all these endless loops, but he stops that long trail of thought there. Why? Because Kuroha's leaning even closer to him right now and Shintaro really, really wants to get this confrontation over with.

"Besides, I managed to get you your favorite type of tea. Surely you notice that?"

Harrowing silence – at least in Shintaro's point of view – fills the air before Kuroha continues to speak.

"You know, it was extremely hard for me to get the Queen to create a loop like this, so enjoy it, Shintaro," He mutters, grin still placed on his face.

This is ridiculous, Shintaro soon rashly decides, swiftly standing up and walking out of the elegant cafe. He tugs at his jersey, looking out and around the streets for the others.

He's only met with the loud whirring of engines and the sight of cars zooming past the road.

Scary.

"Looking for someone?"

He almost jumps at the sudden contact on his shoulder, at the sudden taunting tone that appears besides his ear. Glaring at the taller male, he grits his teeth.

"Where are the rest?"

"What, you don't want to spend some time with me? You wound me, Shin. Have we not spent enough time together to  _form_  a friendship?" Kuroha replies, face scrunching up in a poorly imitated version of 'sadness'.

Another laugh escapes the serpent, however, quickly erasing all traces of pity that Shintaro  _may_  or may not have felt just a moment ago.

"Don't ask me such questions, Shintaro. I'm merely spectating everything, until it's my turn. I don't know – and I don't really care about the other children."

It's the answer that he had expected and he sighs, running a hand through his hair.

"What now, then?" He inquires.

"If this loop ends right now, it wouldn't be fun, would it?" The snake cryptically answers, lightly pulling Shintaro. He reluctantly obliges, following the other to God knows where.

His eyes look around, taking in his surroundings. Neat rows of various floras stood on the side walk across him, blocking his view of a few shops. Mind darting back to the more important task at hand, (which, was finding the others) he hastily concludes that he'll be meeting with them one way or another, so he might as well just let it happen – and pray that in the next loop he won't be stuck with the demented snake in front of him.

As Shintaro walks, he notices that the streets are riddled with many alleyways, twisting and turning around corners to unknown places. The labyrinthine entrances and walkways did not confuse Kuroha at all, and if Shintaro didn't know better he would have thought that the serpent was familiar with this bizarre location.

Perhaps willingly following Kuroha was the best option right now.

The taller male takes another turn, leading into another street – a lone bakery being the only shop here.

"And we've arrived."

"…Really?" Shintaro deadpans, having become accustomed to being with the dark-haired male.

"Take a closer look, Shin."

He follows the other's instructions, surveying the sidewalk, searching for whatever that Kuroha wanted him to see. It isn't until a few moments later that his gaze finally stops abruptly at the sight of the ruffled blond hair hanging out from the trademark hoodie.

Hell, he can even hear the other's voice from here.

("Kido!")

His breath hitches in his throat as a sickening thought forms in his mind, and he accusingly diverts his gaze back to the taller male. Muttering out a 'what are you planning', his posture goes rigid – like the previous countless of times the serpent's threatening figure appeared. Asking a question like that was pointless, for Kuroha wasn't one to gleefully explain every bit of his own sophisticated life-threatening plans. But Shintaro does it out of habit anyway - albeit much softer and less intense this time around.

"You always ask me the same old things since the day you got that pesky snake into you, Shin. Certainly you know by now that I'll never answer you?" He replies, tone awfully smug as he gestures towards the laughing blond across the street.

"You wanted to find them, so I brought you to your precious friends." Kuroha remarks as a green-haired girl emerges from the wooden doors of the bakery, the crinkled apron fluttering slightly in the gentle wind.

"If you're wondering, they  _do_  think of you as a friend here, so no need for the  _boring_  introductions. Besides, they're going to die anyway," He offhandedly comments, face completely casual and indifferent.

Shintaro hates how Kuroha can be so calm like that.

Biting back an insult, he continues to stand there – contrary to what Kuroha expected. "Not going to visit them?"

"If I do, then they'll die earlier, won't they?"

"True. But even if you don't go over there, they'll still die sooner or later. Not much difference if you ask me, Shin."

Shintaro grits his teeth, the snake's words biting into him much harder than they should have. The male knows that he has no way of stopping all of this and it's expected that their deaths would happen, but he shouldn't be feeling hurt (of  _all_  feelings) at Kuroha's words - feeling guilty at his own cowardice.

Not bothering to spare another glance at the disgusting murderer behind him, Shintaro walks ahead, footsteps heavy, making contact with the cement ground below him. He watches as Kano notices and waves to him, whilst Kido silently stands in the background – acknowledging his presence with a small nod.

He watches as Seto comes into the scene, greeting him with a formal inflection. ( _'Morning, Shintaro._ )

He watches as Marry hides behind the green-hoodied raven, a small whisper escaping her lips. ( _G-Good morning!_ )

Maybe Kuroha was watching all of this, laughing maniacally to himself as his friends gather around Marry, once more, lining up for the untimely demise that's waiting for them at the end of this summer day.

Throwing on a smile, he briefly asks himself when in the many perplexing loops did he take Kano's place in the grand scheme of things. Those thoughts are quickly shoved away however, once she appears – and he almost lets himself be genuinely happy.

Almost.

… That bastard snake knows that it'll hurt  _a lot_  when he sees her get killed, after all.

As Kido invites all of them into her shop, he doesn't move as he continues watching the Dan's members enter the bakery, one by one. The red scarf flutters in the air as Ayano takes a step forward, looking curiously at him.

Giving her a small smile, Shintaro pushes the door open.

The noises inside remind him of that café he was in moments before, a delicious aroma wafting around in the air. Kido returns to the counter, serving the customers as Kano entertains the other Dan members, cracking cheesy jokes and making them smile. Even Ene is here, challenging the fox-eyed male to a contest.

Shintaro takes a seat on one of the white chairs, looking at Kano reacting animatedly to Ene as some of the customers give them odd looks. Their eyes dart away in a second.

It's funny how if it weren't for the fact that Konoha wasn't here, he could've played this off as any other day.

A sigh escapes his lips as he silently looks out of the window, wishing that he could do something to prevent all of this.

The noises blend into one, but his eyes are still intently watching the laughing faces of those who had bothered to get to know him.

.

.

.

He disconcertedly wonders when the next cacophony of sounds will arrive and break this fake reality into a million pieces.

* * *

They're at a park.

It's eerily similar to the one that Shintaro has visited before in a previous loop. The birds chirp, the sound of grass crunching under his shoes as he walks in short nimble steps. The sun no longer retains its earlier bright glow, signaling the incoming arrival of the slowly rising moon.

It's about time, Shintaro thinks to himself. The wooden bench he's sitting on creaks slightly as he shuffles in place, pursing his lips.

"Shintaro?"

She softly speaks, bending and leaning towards him. Her eyebrows are slightly arched, a bright gleam shimmering in those brown orbs of hers. Ayano's hands clasp together.

"…What is it?"

A light creak from the wooden bench is heard.

"The sunset is really beautiful today, isn't it?"

He turns his head sideways to face her, keeping in a sigh.

"Yeah."

It's funny how she's smiling so sweetly at him here, in this horribly fake timeline. If he didn't know better, if this had happened dozens of loops ago, he had a sneaking suspicion that he would be being nicer to her right now – relishing in her existence and taking his time to admire the red muffler that she wears.

It is much better this way, he quickly decides. Showing Ayano a lazy smile is  _more_  than enough, because even that subtle act would affect him in the end.

.

.

.

She's nervous, he can tell. She always pulls her scarf up when she's feeling antsy.

Shintaro doesn't comment about her darting eyes, her crossing legs. He refrains from mentioning about how it's a bad habit to bite your bottom lip like that, and that she should stop before she hurts herself.

Maybe, if he could spot those little actions that told him how she was feeling, then she too, could tell that he was merely smiling for the sake of doing so.

(What a nice little thought.)

He might have asked himself why she was this uncomfortable and jumpy in the past, just a tad curious at her strange spontaneous emotions. But he doesn't do that now, because he understands the reason for her behavior.

But even still, it's nothing worth bringing up because  _she doesn't remember._

It's oddly peaceful, - bittersweet and nostalgic in a way, he mentally notes. (It would be best if he changed his trail of thought) This silence between the two of them reminds him of those years back, when there were no red eyes, no psycho snakes, only Shintaro, Ayano and that chatter-filled classroom.

Except that the current mood is much, much lighter and positive.

A warm feeling envelops his heart at that realization.

.

.

.

He wishes that he knows what he's doing.

Doing things on a whim  _is_  and  _never_  will be his style, yet he's sitting here, awkwardly following his emotional responses and slightly negative thoughts. Has he even thought all of this through?

He hasn't thought about how maybe this was all Kuroha's plan. The serpent did remark about how he loved each and every one of his facial expressions after all, no matter how creepy and stalkerish that sentence sounded.

.

.

.

Pondering for a moment if he should just murmur out a low 'fuck it' and happily embrace Ayano, the humming that came from behind him snapped the male out of his thoughts.

"Such a pessimist! And I thought that you would be enjoying this wonderful time at the park. You could've fooled me with your calm exterior, you know."

He turns around, Ayano doing the same as him.

"Your little girlfriend, that's who she is, right? The deceiver's sister or something."

"G—Girlfriend?"

The very fact that the serpent was acting, stringing up a façade of normality, aggravated the raven. It served no further purpose than to simply rile him up, so why couldn't Kuroha just get this entire thing over with?

"Girlfriend," Kuroha confirms, grinning widely.

Moments like these wouldn't happen if Kuroha the fucking snake didn't decide to barge into this world and mess things up. He wouldn't have to deal with seeing Ayano die, his friends, sister all die in front of him –  _if_  the goddamned snake just left them alone.

"W—Who is he, Shintaro?"

Things would be better if he just had one life; he finds himself concluding as he turns sideways, towards Ayano.

"Aw, don't want to say your goodbyes, Shin-Shin?"

Things would have been so much better.

"…I'm sorry,"

He whispers, and a small part of him is certain that he's not just saying this to her.

* * *

.

.

.

It's a little cold, now that she's no longer smiling at him.

The wind blows past him in a mocking fashion, it's cool and smooth movement the utter opposite of his beating heart. Shintaro shakily turns around.

He had moved.

He had gotten up from the bench once Kuroha dragged and pulled at the brown hair that belonged to Ayano, had barely managed to keep in his pleas as Kuroha slaughtered them all — deliberately killing her last.

"Surprisingly, she didn't struggle. Much."

"Ah, I really envy you, Shin, getting the front seat view. I  _had_  to do all of the work, you know? Wish that I was as lucky as you!" Kuroha chuckles, yellow-eyes staring pointedly at Shintaro. His hands raise the broken form of the girl, hanging it in front of Shintaro.

"Isn't this a beautiful sight?"

The serpent jumps back in time as Shintaro lunges at him, tears already filling his eyes.

"Oh? You're still all caught up in the 'saving the day' thing? My my, you should know by now that you've already lost that chance loops ago."

His breathing is erratic, heart beating furiously as he shakily stands straight. Shintaro does his best to  _glare_ , a desperate scream  _almost_  tearing itself from his hoarse throat.

Kuroha's hands swing to his side, dragging Ayano's limp body around like a ragdoll as he raises his hands.

"As much as I appreciate how much you want me, Shin, I really think that you should have talked to them more. Avoiding and staying silent like that? Why, you're ruder than I am!"

He mockingly wipes a tear away from his eyes, leaning down towards the heavily breathing boy.

"Learn how to appreciate things around you, and maybe you'll finally see how much I've done for you," Kuroha whispers, voice barely audible as he flings the body away. The scarf lies in front of Shintaro, having fallen from the sudden impact that Kuroha caused.

"W—What the hell have you done for me…? You o—only—"

"Come barging into your life, all trigger-happy and ready to kill?"

"…Tch."

Shintaro seems to be much calmer now, but his mouth still opens to take in quick and hasty breaths, head lowered.

"Oops. I suppose, you  _are_  right about one thing, Shin-shin. I don't do  _things_  for you, I do  _things_  because of you," Kuroha laughs out, a sudden aura of arrogance practically radiating in his every move. Shintaro stays silent, face contorting in a messy display of both tears and the slightest hint of rage. His fingers are curled up, the stray dirt that he had scattered up flowing away via the wind.

"But I understand. Humans just  _can't_  be grateful for the smallest things in life, can they? You're certainly no exception," The snake muses as he reaches for the gun that's lying on the ground next to him.

Shintaro can already feel the speeding bullet.

"Sometimes, I wonder why I even bother to possess this body, but then I realize that being in a reptilian body was way too constricted for my tastes," He casually talks to Shintaro as if they were old friends – which was technically true in a twisted and absurd way.

"So this'll have to do." Kuroha smiles at Shintaro, using his free hand to wave in a childish manner. Cocking the gun, he swings it carelessly around. The serpent cranes his neck to look behind him – eyes raking the shaking and disheveled form of Marry.

The cold barrel is something that he's felt for so many loops, yet he's still afraid of what's about to happen.

"Au revoir," Kuroha snickers.

And the only thing that Shintaro thinks about is how idiotic it is to only hear Kuroha's voice as the last thing he audibly perceives.

_('It's really stupid how your voice is the last thing I have to hear every time I die.')_

…

_('To the point where I think I'm growing used to it, even.')_


End file.
